Tuesday, November 19, 2019

Adam Schiff and the Drag Queen

Adam Schiff and Eric Swalwell were in the private committee chamber, preparing for the start of the Thursday's hearings.

"Jeff Zucker is about to have my ass!" Schiff exclaimed.

"Didn't he already have your ass?"

"Not like that. He says we need more sex and sizzle!"

Swalwell sat perplexed, "Sex and... sizzle?"

"Yes, yesterday's hearings tanked in the ratings, and we have two more days scheduled this week. Plus next week!" Schiff’s voice grew in volume and pitch. "Zucker is panicking!"

"I told you we shouldn't do this in open session."

Schiff leaned over this desk and said "here's what we're going to do..."


The chamber began to fill with politicians, lawyers, and journalists. They were joined by a drummer, who set up his kit in the back of the room.

Just as Chairman Schiff called the hearing to order, a person wearing a bright blond wig and hot red dress sashayed onto the floor while the drummer played a seductive vamp. All eyes were upon Miss Trial, especially the protruding orbs of the committee chair, Adam Schiff.

She leaned against his table, placed one of her thick legs atop it, hiked up her already short dress, and said "I'd like to go next," her voice gravelly and deep, almost a baritone. Miss Trial pulled Schiff's tie out from his jacket.

"I usually don't do women," Schiff stuttered nervously, beads of perspiration forming on his brow.

"Don't worry, neither do I," she said in her husky voice. The drummer did a rim shot.

Schiff immediately noticed how the top of her dress came far up her neckline, no doubt to cover her Adam's apple. A smile crossed his thin lips. "The chair calls Miss Trial!"

"That's what we've been saying since yesterday morning!" Rep. Jim Jordan exclaimed.

"No, the chair calls Misses Trial to the witness stand."

"That's 'MISS' Trial. And give me an introduction that's proper for a lady of my class and breeding, honey."

Schiff took a moment, then spoke into his microphone: "Straight off her nationwide Drag Queen Story Hour tour, and most recently appearing at the Illusions Night Club here in DC, I present... Miss! Trial!"

Thumping dance music filled the chamber, and half of the chamber exploded in applause as she walked to the table reserved for witnesses, their cheers of "stunning" and "brave" almost drowning out the music. Miss Trial gave a queen wave as she walked behind the table reserved for witnesses. She waited for Ambassador Taylor to pull out the chair, then she sat slowly, adjusting her seat by wiggling her bottom.

"If there's any doubt about this being a circus, well, the bearded lady just arrived," Devin Nunes said to one of his aids.

Miss Trial heard this and said: "honey, I shaved this morning. Twice." Rim shot.

"Chairman Schiff, what does all THIS," Jim Jordan pointed to the person behind the witness desk, "have to do with Ukraine?"

"My dress maker visited Ukraine once" Miss Trial answered.


"And what? He's obviously a good dress maker!" Miss Trial raised from her seat, did a pirouette, and stopped at just the right angle so that the chamber's floor lights maximized her cheekbones and minimized her linebacker build. She held the pose for a moment, then returned to her seat to more wild applause.

Schiff smiled. "See, Rep. Jordan, this will be valuable testimony from a relevant witness! Miss Trial, what do you know about the phone call between Mr. Trump and President Zelensky?"

"President who?"

"Volodymyr Zelensky? The president of Ukraine?" Schiff said this without even one note of exasperation in his voice.

"Oh that. Well, Sergei, my dress maker, said that his friend's brother's housekeeper has an acquaintance in the Ukraine office who heard that President Trump and President Z. had a phone call."

"Umm…,” Rep. Jordan interjected, “your dress maker's friend's housekeeper?"

"No. My dress maker's friend's housekeeper's acquaintance. Easy. Could someone fetch me a martini?"

"Miss Trial, alcoholic beverages are not permitted on the floor," Jordan scolded.

"Tell that to Nancy," she replied. Rim shot.

"Chairman Schiff, this is nothing but fourth- or fifth-hand rumors!" Jim Jordan pointed out.

"Sometimes hearsay is much better than direct evidence," Representative Mike Quigley quickly interjected.

"Misanthrope..." Jordan started saying.

"That's Miss TRIAL, not Miss Anthrope, honey!"

"No, I was calling Representative Quigley a misanthrope. Miss Trial, have you ever even been to the Ukraine?"

"No, but like I said, my dress maker has."

"When was he last there?"

"In 2015. Sergei visited Crimea. He said the Russians left it a real shithole, but he also said he was able to get good blow from somebody named Hunter."

Jim Jordan sat, blinking. "Do you know Hunter's full name?"

"The chair calls for a fifteen-minute recess!!" Schiff didn't even bother to try to keep the panic out of his voice.


Back in private chambers, Swalwell and Schiff were pacing, figuring out how to spin this.

Swalwell: "What are we going to do? This whole thing was a mistake!"

From the other side of the door, Schiff and Swalwell could hear a gravely baritone voice exclaim: "That's Miss TRIAL!"

Schiff eyes were protruding more than usual: "We need a therapy dog... and a distraction!"

"Not the whole mass shooting thing again," Swalwell sighed. "How long will people fall for it?"

"We'll maintain the appearance of having the moral high ground. It will work." Schiff opened his phone, dialed a number, and arranged for some sex and sizzle.

Thursday, January 17, 2019

Gillette So Woke

Gillette's new commercial opens with a montage of real-life and on-line bullying, men cat-calling, a row of men standing behind a row of barbecue grills chanting "boys will be boys." It continues with scenes of "mansplaining", "toxic masculinity", and a news announcer decrying sexual harassment, thus making tie-ins with the #MeToo movement. Throughout the ad, the sanctimonious narrator asks "Is this the best a man can get? Is it?", thereby mocking Gillette's 30-year-old motto "the best a man can get." Near the end it shows men standing up to sexual harassment and stopping bullies. The commercial finishes with the obligatory link to a .org website.

This advertisement was made by Grey Advertising and was directed by Kim Gehrig, who produced last year's "Viva La Vulva" commercial that featured singing sock puppet vaginas.

Grey Advertising may or may not subscribe to P.T. Barnum's maxim that "there is no such thing as bad publicity," but they certainly advocate the older version of that phase: "success through scandal" ("succès de scandale"). But success for whom: for Gillette or for the advertising company?

Commercials are supposed to maintain a customer base and encourage others to use their product. Does the new Gillette commercial do either? It does - especially if you use one of Gillette's competitors.

Commercials are supposed to sell a product, not to proselytize. The act of shaving is just that: shaving. If you do it in the morning, you do it to look it to look professional, not to virtue signal.

Commercials are supposed to generate profits. Does this advertisement do so? It's too early to tell for Gillette and parent company Proctor and Gamble, though they did promise to pay $1 million per year for three years to "worthy nonprofits." So profits were generated for somebody besides Grey Advertising.

Here's the real problem with Gillette's ad: it is condescending AF. It portrays men acting as gentlemen and interfering with bullies as something new and hip and edgy, not as ordinary chivalry that was commonplace before the rise of the soy boy and the culture of victimhood.

Further, imagine if the ad decried the bad habits of Muslims, blacks, gays, etc — there would be an uproar! Instead, the ad is about the bad habits of men, so not only does it get a pass, the commercial is lauded by AdWeek for "flipping the narrative" and Gillette is celebrated for being "woke."

Finally, if there is any honest substance to the #MeToo movement, doesn't Gillette's new commercial trivialize that substance? Indeed it does, for the ad is basically saying: "I wake up in the morning feeling guilty for having a penis and balls. I'm not yet ready for gender reassignment surgery, so whatever should I do? I know, I'll shave with a Gillette razor, thereby symbolically castrating myself!"

Am I "triggered" by that ad, like certain news outlets claim I should be? Nope. Am I tired of companies committing suicide by becoming politicized in general, and by shilling for the left in particular? Yup. Right now, I'm laughing as I order razors from the Dollar Shave Club. And Grey Advertising is laughing all the way to the bank.

Wednesday, November 28, 2018

#WalkAway from Identity Politics

There were three outstanding themes experienced by attendees of last month's #WalkAway March. There was the sense of freedom that comes from escaping the Democrat’s plantation. There was the excitement of meeting new people and making new friends. But there was also an element of sadness over the family and friends lost due to the issues that riven our country.

One man I met there was a U.S. Army veteran of the Vietnam War. He became estranged from his two sisters, the only family he has, partially over Trump and the whole Kavanaugh media circus.

There’s also a friend (who wasn’t at the march) that became alienated from a person she knew for 30 years. They met while in high school, and he was her first gay friend. She walked away, he didn’t. Something similar happened with her mother’s cousin, who knew her since birth, who “changed her diapers” as she put it. Because of various family events, they had to remain in contact, but their interactions became infrequent, their conversations became terse. A mutual friend told me about how much grief she was experiencing over this. The description reminded me of the AIDS crisis writ small.

These same stories are repeated all across America.

Why is this happening?

This is partially due to the changing definition of friendship. We all have online friends, most of whom we’ll never meet. What is the basis of these friendships? It’s not two good people who share similar virtues and who wish each other well, but rather two people clicking the “like” button – not the same thing!

Other types of friendships, like those based on utility or pleasure – are by definition transitory. That’s all that online friends are – friendships based on utility or pleasure. Yet we equate them with real friendships, in their importance and in their permanence.

All types of friendships require time and effort and real-world interaction to cultivate and maintain. Given the number of social media “friends” that people have, it is simply not possible to maintain them all! Once the “friendship” has outlived its usefulness, or is lost in quantity, we either allow it to fade or we terminate it in the most brutal way possible - online interactions allow people to be rude to each other without any real-world consequences.

This somewhat explains the plight of the Vietnam veteran mentioned earlier: he lives in Buffalo, New York, while one sister lives in Florida, and the other is in Arizona. They maintained contact only via social media. There was no real-world interaction, so the friendships withered.

This does not explain the other person mentioned above. In her case, and I think most cases, the dissolution of friendships was solely over ideological differences. The ideology in play is identity politics.

Here’s how it works:

  • People belong to identity groups, either by birth or choice or assignment. These identities are artificial, and two members of the same group frequently have nothing in common except for that identity – yet there is an expectation of solidarity.
  • Membership in an identity group is not the same as a gym membership. Membership defines and determines their whole existence, and to doubt this is blasphemy.
  • Current and historical events are seen by members of any class through the lens of their identity. Doubting the identity or the veracity of its history is an offense to the very core of their being, and to do so makes you ableist, misogynistic, homophobic, xenophobic, Islamophobic, racist.
  • Each group has its own cultural norms. These norms must be respected by other groups, because it is taken on faith that all cultures are equal. They are skeptical of some religions, yet they accept items like this on faith. They are true believers.
  • People are encouraged to interact only with other members of their identity. They exist in a bubble yet claim that they are living rich and full lives. They do not go outside their comfort zone, yet they consider themselves brave.
  • People are to be loyal to their identity class. They are expected to favor their own, yet they wonder why the world is suddenly so racist.
  • People are expected (in most cases) to be proud of their identity.
  • To shore up this pride, each identity has its own history. Events that do not fit with a particular group’s history can be safely ignored, or revised, or destroyed. This results in an ever-shifting narrative.
  • There is one group that acts as an oppressor, and that group is the white male (either heterosexual or homosexual). Their culture is not to be respected, and pride in that identity is considered to be the very height of racism.
  • The degree that an individual is oppressed depends on the number of intersections that this person belongs to. For example, a black disabled lesbian crossdresser is more oppressed than your average lesbian. It’s sort of like a food pyramid of victimhood.
  • Those who aren’t oppressors are victims. But not only are they victims, they are helpless, since self-defense is considered wrong.
  • Being helpless victims, they are subject to fear, uncertainty, and doubt inflicted by anyone who wishes to manipulate them.
  • Since they live in a bubble, they are in no position to verify that they should really be afraid of any particular current event, or whether they are just being manipulated.

Identity politics provides a convenient excuse to prune one’s real-world friends list. And when people indeed end a friendship over identity politics, instead of being angry or upset, they have the warm glow of smugness that comes with virtue signaling. From their standpoint, the friendship was based on a mistaken identity – you fooled them, until they became “woke”.

Identity politics is designed to divide and conquer. It is working.

What can be done? We must begin with a dose of reality.

First, realize that “Hallmark moments” almost never happen in the real world, and it is not possible to hold one’s breath until they do happen. If you doubt this, ask any draft resister or gay man who has been estranged from his family.

Next, look at the pretense under which the friendship was ended: one side believes that the other is a heretic who engages in wrongthink. Ask yourself: why hold on to people who aren’t adult enough to understand that individuals can have different opinions or principles?

Believing in identity politics requires that one suspends their sense of reality. Anybody with an ounce of integrity would reject the theory rather than reject the facts. Ask yourself: do you really want to be friends with a person who trusts their identity group’s agitprop over their own lying eyes? Can you trust someone who outsources their sense of judgement?

Look at the extent the other side is willing to go to purge wrongthink: they are willing to fire you from your employment, to deny you ways of earning money via online activities, to destroy your career. Ask yourself: in good conscience, would you be able to do this?

Finally, ask yourself: is the person who terminated your friendship over identity politics experiencing the same sense of loss?

The situation appears even more intractable when you realize that social justice is a kind of cult, and people who advocate identity politics are not just fervent believers, but the fundamentalists of this cult.

Again, what can be done?

It is tempting to retreat, hole up, and wait for this to pass. It won’t pass. In fact, retreating makes things worse, since everybody will then ask themselves: why not take whole what others propose to divide?

We cannot forget what is at stake: our country, our home. They demand that we relinquish our sovereignty as individuals and as a country. All these are too important to abandon for the social justice warriors’ obvious and vulgar games.

We also cannot forget that we hold the upper hand. The funding of their universities, their affirmative action programs, and their welfare state, depends on us. We can live without them, but not vise versa. Further, we have the element of stability that their narrative du jour precludes - and they know it.

The solution lies in more engagement, not less. It requires that we break down the bubbles which identity politics requires people to inhabit. Even then it will not be easy, since it is far harder to make a believer into a skeptic than to make a skeptic into a believer.

Monday, October 29, 2018

Photos from #WalkAway

"You want to give me food stamps just because I was in foster care? I think you just want my vote." - Terrence K. Williams

Winner of the best sign goes to...

Happy people in the rain.

Musician singing "Where We Go One, We Go All." He also sang the Oath Keeper's song, "Arm Yourself."

"The blue wave is 500 miles south of the border"

Guy in crowd: "good job umbrella man!"

Will from PragerU

"Are there any Russian bots here?"
Person in back raises hand
"There's one! We're 1/1024th Russian, so we're a Russian bot movement!"

Flags out, phones out.

Bikers for Trump provided security

On way to Freedom Plaza, there was a man selling t-shirts. He used this call: "Spicy memes! Get yer HOT spicy memes here!" Yea, I had to have one.

Passing Trump International Hotel

Arrival at Freedom Plaza - E Pluribus Awesome!

Inside Freedom Plaza now. It's a party. Make America Fah'BULOUS Again!

Dog shares a stroller with Trumpy Bear!

Flower child brings out the sun!

More signs

This gay man legally came to America from Venezuela when he was 18. We talked about that country's downward spiral, and I asked him if he still had family there. He said that his parents are buried there, but looters stole their bronze headstones.

Pastor Mark Burns lays down the law!

"I had a bedroom and office in the White House. I got to know the Clintons intimately. Not like that with Hillary. Not with Bill, either" - Buzz Patterson

I think Buzz Patterson was channeling my #WalkAway essay!

Mason Weaver

Michael Flynn, Jr

These bots are made for walkin'! "You're not bots, you're too sexy!"

Don't know who he is, but he's a fantastic speaker!

Stacey Dash

People enjoying the music

Diamond and Silk on video!

Joy Villa! She brightens whatever venue she's in!

Brandon, getting ready to go on stage.

Doreen: "You went because you have a crush on him, don’t you?"
Me: "Na, me and Mattis are still tight"

And here he is, the founder and organizer of #WalkAway! Brandon Straka gave two speeches during the rally. The first one was an expansion of his original video.

"I've done the closet, and I'm not going back"

"To compare is to despair"

Person watching Herman Cain's video

Zach Hing

Mahgdalen Rose, a Stoneman Douglas High School graduate who could see through David Hogg(wash)'s BS right away.

Deplorable men are the hottest!

"My father was a Navy captain, and my grandfather was a Navy captain. Don't know what happened with me."

"When they go low, we go to the polls." - Scott Presler

Brandon's second speech, in which he warned cuckservatives that we'll be watching them.

You can never have too much Joy...

... and you can never have enough Bikers for Trump, either!