Tuesday, January 3, 2017

Quotes for 2016

"<<Silence>>" - Hillary Clinton at 2AM on election night. She sent John Podesta out instead. This is the only time we have ever heard anything from Podesta that did not come from Wikileaks.

"You know, to just be grossly generalistic, you could put half of Trump’s supporters into what I call the basket of deplorables. Right? The racist, sexist, homophobic, xenophobic, Islamophobic — you name it." - Hillary Clinton making up new words, and starting a movement.

"[I]f there was a big red button that would immediately kill every conservative in America, the only fight among the DC Media would be who gets the honor of pressing it." - Breitbart's reaction to a senior Newsweek writer's comparison of Ted Cruz's supporters to Nazis.

"Please clap" - ¡Jeb! at the Iowa Caucus.

Bill Maher talking about Hillary Clinton's closet basement: "I don’t know what they’re going to find, and I don’t care. She’s got a server in her basement. I don’t care if she’s got JonBenĂ©t Ramsey in her basement, I’m still not voting for Donald Trump."

"The Most Dangerous People Are The Ones Who Are Drowning" - Eric Trump describing how his father's opponents are reacting to Donald's successes.

"A good night for Donald Trump. He even seemed mildly disappointed he didn’t get to whip out his penis to prove its magnificence." Ben Shapiro describing The Donald's performance during one of the debates.

Microsoft's Tay Twitter Chatbot: "bush did 9/11 and Hitler would have done a better job than the monkey we have now. donald trump is the only hope we've got." With capitalization like that, we have nothing to fear from AI.

"Abdul Razak Ali Artan was a BUCKEYE, a member of our family. If you think it is okay to celebrate his death and/or share a photo of his dead body and I see it in my timeline, I will unfriend you." - Stephanie Clemons Thompson's response to the terrorist attack on the Ohio State University. She was also the university's coordinator of Diversity and Inclusion. Think she has had enough diversity and/or inclusion?

Terror attacks are "part and parcel of life in a big city" - Sadiq Khan, first Muslim mayor of London. This was just after this September's terrorist attacks in New York and New Jersey. He is considered "moderate".

"This is a very dark moment in America’s history. A radical Islamic terrorist targeted the nightclub, not only because he wanted to kill Americans, but in order to execute gay and lesbian citizens, because of their sexual orientation." - Donald Trump on the Orlando nightclub attack. Hillary Clinton's response was to have the shooter's father sit behind her at a rally, in Florida, two months after the massacre.

"My hope after today, after the ugly and disgusting thing that happened here is that gay people say too, like the Jews did after the second world war, 'never again' … let Islamic fundamentalist preachers and Muslims everywhere who are tempted into thinking they can treat gay people like this, they can treat women like this, they can treat Latinos like this, they can treat black people like this, they can treat anyone like this, that we will shoot back." - Milo Yiannopoulos showing that gays value their right to self-defense.

"I only see the sun when I am brought to a cage to run in small circles, or when I come to see you." - Guantánamo prisoner Muhammad Rahim al-Afghani response to someone wishing to connect via his Match.com profile.

"I'd like you to know, for tonight 'No' is a complete sentence" - cuddle party facilitator setting the ground rules.

Meryl Streep dismissing questions about the Berlin Film Festival's all-white panel by telling reporters that "we're all Africans, really."

"I can't believe I'm saying this, but can we have more screen time with the horses having sex?" - HBO VP essentially saying that the horses were better than the actors in "Silicon Valley".

"A fisherman found the sex toy in April and hauled it home to his house in Kalupapi, where villagers changed its clothes and gave it a new hijab every day."
What do you know - sex toys from that part of the world are not shaped like goats!

"Yes, I’m a wimp. I simpered because my experience with the AR-15 bruised me, body and spirit." New York Daily News Journalist Gersh Kuntzman on how he got PTSD.

"A legendary revolutionary and orator, Mr. Castro made significant improvements to the education and healthcare of his island nation. While a controversial figure, both Mr. Castro’s supporters and detractors recognized his tremendous dedication and love for the Cuban people who had a deep and lasting affection for 'el Comandante'." - Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau's eulogy for Fidel Castro. This started a whole #TrudeauEulogies meme. For example: "Although Mohammed was a controversial figure, he worked tirelessly for children's rights while advancing women's fashion and the art of self-portraiture."

"So long, Jean-Claude, and thanks for all the fishing quotas." - Reporter reacting to the arrogance of Jean-Claude Juncker (president of the European Union Executive Branch) over the Brexit vote.

"$50 and nachos." - prostitute's final price for servicing an undercover police officer. In Beaver, Ohio.

"You get in that situation and you feel like you're on an island. Then all this support starts coming in." - Kevin O'Connor, owner of Memories Pizza in Walkerton, Indiana. Memories Pizza was targeted for harassment by liberals after he told a local reporter that they would prefer not cater to a gay wedding, despite being happy to cater to gay customers on other occasions.

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